The Worst Love Letter Ever

    Dear <Insert name here:>

         I love you. Your eyes are so beautiful, I want to pluck them out and put them in a jar on my shelf, so I may gaze upon them all the days of my life. And your hair- it bears the scent of a mammoth, so fuzzy and elephanty...
          What else do I love about you? Hm...Well, I love the way you walk- as though there is a nuclear explosion happening around us, but yet you walk with confidence. I also admire your tolerance, like the way you tolerate that person whom claims to be your significant  other. However, my love, you know that you belong with ME, as said by Miss Taylor Swift. So, in conclusion my dear <insert name here>, I want you to know that being with you would like be being reincarnated into a carrot that is happily married to a stalk of celery.

      All my love,

       Ink

    (P.S. I love your feet, too. They're so graceful, like swans...up, down, up, down...)